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Title: Things You Missed in History Class
Rating: PG
Tags/Warnings: Time Travel Fix-It, Caper fic, Humor
Characters/Pairings: Finn & Rey, Pre-Finn/Rey

Summary: Having traveled back in time, Rey and Finn have decided to set right what once went wrong. Too bad they have no idea what actually once went wrong.

Note: Written for Lady FuHao in the 2017 FinnRey Exchange.


Read more... )


Or read it on AO3 here.

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Title: Let the Dice Fall Where They May
Rating: PG-13
Tags/Warnings: Character death, Anti-hero protagonist
Characters/Pairings: Gen, no pairing. Phasma, Maz Kanata, Lando, Armitage Hux
Summary: When the First Order and the New Republic go to war, who wins? Phasma, if she has anything to say about it.

Captain Phasma has begun to realize that her vision for the First Order conflicts with that of the Supreme Leader - specifically, she would prefer that they continue to survive.

Meanwhile, Lando pretends to be Rick from Casablanca, Leia finally gets to do some really hands on diplomacy, and Maz Kanata is a funny, terrifying force of nature.

Notes: Super TLDR, but if you want to see them, and have spoilers for who dies, click here.

Opening crawl: Turmoil shakes the galaxy following the destruction of the planet Hosnian Prime at the hands of the FIRST ORDER. Alliances and factions spring up at every turn, on the edge of all-out war.

The RESISTANCE led by General Leia Organa grows in strength as fighters and resources from every corner of the REPUBLIC flood in to face the First Order threat. Luke Skywalker has returned with Rey, seeking a new path for the Jedi.

The First Order's power grows as well, for some planets come to its banner or try to appease the warlike fleet.

Read more... )
or read it on AO3 here.
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Star Wars: The Jedi Fall @ Takarazuka (2704 words) by Grey_Bard
Chapters: 2/2
Fandom: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Satine Kryze
Characters: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker, Padmé Amidala
Additional Tags: Takarazuka Revue, References to Takarazuka Kagekidan, Imaginary Musicals, Humor, Yukigumi

Summary: The Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, as adapted into musical theater by the Takarazuka Revue of Japan.

(Let's just imagine that licensing out the Disney songbook for an album was only the beginning of Disney's relationship with the all-female musical theater troupe, the Takarazuka Revue. Sparkles, discontinuity, casting and lightsaber interpretive dance ensue. )

A Detailed Summary of The Jedi Fall @ Takarazuka as written by an American fan

Act 1 - The Phantom Menace: As the curtains and the suns of Tatooine rise Shmi Skywalker, a slave, sings "As the Suns Rise, so Rises Hope" to her son Anakin. In it, she tells him that like the suns, hope always returns, including her hope for her child. The music is influenced by and includes parts of "Binary Sunset" from the original Star Wars score.  )

Or read it on AO3 here.

To people new to Takarazuka: I encourage you to read this short explanation of what the heck I'm talking about and check out for more of the delightful sparkly all-female musical crack that is this fandom.
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Digger is a wonderful, Hugo-winning fantasy comic classic featuring a good-hearted and matter of fact wombat coping with gods, hyenas, quests and killer squash in what starts out seemingly whimsical and random, and turns out to be epic and heartclenching and incredible. Don't take my word for it, it's all online for free!

But hey, you don't have to have read it yet to read my Digger fic, I swear.

A Long Evening of Delicate Work Right There (1387 words) by Grey_Bard
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Digger (Comic)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Digger-of-Unnecessarily-Convoluted-Tunnels, Murai, Grim Eyes
Additional Tags: Ghosts, Storytelling, Mid-Canon, Ghost Stories, Misses Clause Challenge
A wombat, a hyena and a priest tell ghost stories and wish for alcohol.

Grim Eyes was chasing a rabbit, vaulted over a log, and landed on a porcupine, which was a long evening of delicate work right there )
Or read it on AO3 here


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Call and Response (2252 words) by Grey_Bard
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Temeraire - Naomi Novik
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Perscitia & Temeraire
Characters: Temeraire, Perscitia
Additional Tags: Epistolary, Dragons, Humor, University, Cambridge, 1870's, Futurefic, non-human protagonist
Series: Part 1 of With an eye to the future...

Summary: Dragons, higher education and excerable poetry... Excerpts from the historic correspondence of Vice Chancellor Emeritus Perscitia OBE PhD PhD and the dragon Temeraire, circa 1870.

Note: Hey guys, let's play spot the stealth crossover!
Temeraire: What is this I hear that you have retired indefinitely to Australia? )
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Literary Criticism in the Century of the Anchovy (198 words) by Grey_Bard
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Discworld - Terry Pratchett
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Gytha "Nanny" Ogg, J. H. C. Goatberger

Summary: Gytha Ogg, infamous author of the celebrated Joye of Snacks, branches out into fiction with predictable results.

Excerpt from the Ankh-Morpork Times Book & Broadside Review Supplement )

Inspired by Hollimichele's Discworld fanzine The Turtle Moves, (available free online) and presented in celebration of its publication.
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Propinquity for Wolves (1269 words) by Grey_Bard
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Person of Interest (TV), Iskryne Series - Elizabeth Bear & Sarah Monette
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Bear (Person of Interest), Harold Finch, John Reese

Summary: "Only about three packs in the world throw wolves like this. The funny thing is, those packs? They only teach them Dutch." Yes, John thinks, you deserve a better pack than this.

Crossover Fandom Note: This is a fusion crossover with A Companion to Wolves. Basically, some people bond with large psychic wolves. That's all you need to know.

John Reese is captured and surrounded... )

Also available on AO3 here. Written for the Psychic Wolves for Lupercalia fest.

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Practical Mathematics (1745 words) by faviconGrey_Bard
Fandom: Captain America (2011), The Avengers (2012), Marvel Avengers Movies Universe
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark
Characters: Steve Rogers, Tony Stark

Summary: After a hard shift saving the world, Stark - in his infinite wisdom - has decided to bond with Steve by talking about his favorite subject. Well, third favorite, after building things and smart-mouthing people.

Steve is pretty sure none of his experiences really count. Tony is starting to wonder what Steve's definition of "is" is.

The Avengers crashed in Tony Stark's living room. It had sofas, alcohol and a convenient fly-in entrance. )
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Amnesia Doesn't Make You Gay (1251 words) by faviconGrey_Bard and  faviconjmtorres
Fandom: Sherlock (TV)
Rating: General Audiences
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
Characters: Sherlock Holmes, John Watson, Lestrade (Sherlock Holmes)

Summary: "If it could be easily induced and temporary, I might quite like having amnesia," Sherlock mused. "What a challenge! What a mystery! Pity it's wasted on you, John."

(Contains absolutely no dub-con)

You just couldn't do it the easy way )
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Noble Experiments (2089 words) by faviconGrey_Bard
Fandom: Temeraire - Naomi Novik
Genre: Gen
Characters: Temeraire, Perscitia, Iskierka 
Notes: Written for Bard in the 2011 Yuletide Treasure rare fandom fic exchange. Availble here on AO3.

Summary: Dragons' rights and all that jazz. Or - scenes from the National Dragon's Suffrage Society visit to Chicago.

Do you know, I believe the city was rather smaller, the last time I was here. )
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So this year, I wrote some Avengers Movieverse fic. What a surprise, I know! Only I didn't get around to posting it all here so... here you go.

Hey Look, Watch This! (2519 words) by faviconGrey_Bard
Fandom: Captain America (2011), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Avengers Movies Universe
Rating: General Audiences

Summary: In this episode of Top Gear, we've got American superheroes in our reasonably priced car! And James May flies a car that doesn't exist yet.

Adventures in Thor-Sitting (708 words) by faviconGrey_Bard
Fandom: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, Thor (2011), The Avengers (2012)
Rating: General Audiences

Summary: Steve Rogers and Tony Stark contemplated the smashed, smoking remains of the Papaya Dog on Ninth Avenue. "I never thought I'd say this," said Iron Man, "but this must be what being a parent feels like." In front of what used to be the shop window, Thor brandished his hammer. "Defy the son of Odin, manlings?" he shouted.

I'll have what he's having (284 words) by faviconGrey_Bard
Fandom: Thor (2011)
Relationships: Thor/Beer
Rating: General Audiences

Summary: Thor falls in love with a microbrewery.
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Title: Hey Look, Watch This!
Fandoms: Marvel Movieverse (Captain America: The First Avenger & the Iron Man movies), Top Gear UK
Characters: Tony Stark aka Iron Man, Steve Rogers aka Captain America
Rating: G-rated
Genre: Humor, Crossover
Warning: Contains real people, albeit in a g-rated fashion and only in the context of their television show.
Summary: In this episode, we've got American superheroes in our reasonably priced car! And James May flies a car that doesn't exist yet.

Notes:  Created in response to this prompt on the Captain America kink meme. The Avengers are Movieverse canon, but the larger Marvel universe is patched together from the comics and cartoons, in search of the version that amused me most.

By the way, I'm at faviconGrey_Bard on AO3. Available on AO3 here

Hey Look, Watch This! )
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Title: The Very Secret Diaries of Anne Boelyn (Which Are Very Historical And Not Made Up At All)
Fandom: The Tudors / History
Genre: Gen, Humor
Summary: Hats worn: 2, Times the King eyed me: 4, Times the King eyed my sister: 6. Drowning my sorrows in malmsy.

Note: Co-written with Kadorienne / [personal profile] mosellegreen and inspired by her "LolTudors" graphic attached below. Yes, a lolcats inspired graphic got me to write ridiculous fic about "history" (er, for a given value of history) / a show I don't actually watch

Posted here on Ao3

The Very Secret Diaries of Anne Boelyn (Which Are Very Historical And Not Made Up At All)  )
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Request your Hawaii 5-0 ficlets here! Prompt me in the comments with whatever you want, and if I'm feeling inspired, I'll write it. None of the prompts on the various H50 memes are working for me at the moment.

Likely to get written: light-hearted stress-free prompts, black humor, AU, crossovers, fusions, anything with Kono in it and fun, humorous or cracktastic fictional tropes.

Very unlikely to get written: NC17 fic, anything requiring deep thought on my part, anything in which Steve is a perfect heterosexual he-man without flaw, anything actually bad happening to any of the characters, anything actually bad happening to a woman. (Yes, the ex-wife counts.)

Feel free to comment with tropes you just want a ficlet out of me about, even if you aren't into the fandom. As long as you don't mind the ficlet ending up Hawaii 5-0, that is. Thus, if you always wanted a Muppets fic out of me and prompt me for that, you will get Cop Muppets In Hawaii or something. Also, no, you don''t need to be on my reading or f-list and no, I don't need to know you if your prompt is awesome enough and triggers my writing brain.

Sorry, people who know me for other fandoms. It's not that I suddenly love them or am thinking about them less. I don't! Not at all! I just feel like writing Hawaii 5-0 at the moment because it is emotionally non-stressful and not requiring of brains for me.

Eta 10/30: I've written a short gen Hawaii 5-0 crossover ficlet set in the Firefly universe for Wishfulaces here. Still taking prompts!

ETA 10/31: I've written a short gen fic for Torra's prompt of Grace dressed as Steve for Halloween here.

ETA 11/1: I've written an short gen fic for Skyebanshee's prompt of Danny telling Grace about Steve before she meets the team.
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Written for the prompt "Oh my God if we're going for cliches why has no one requested bodyswap yet? I NEED IT IN MY LIFE." at the kink meme on the H 5-0 comm Pineapple Infested. 

Look, I got tired of all the genderswap / bodyswaps being "Hey! I have breasts!". This was more fun.

Spoiler free, not that you can really spoil this show.

Title: Ten Interesting Things About Getting Bodyswapped With Your Boss
Fandom: Hawaii 5-0
Genre: Gen, Humor, Crackfic
Rating: PG13

Kono gets bodyswapped with her boss. That's actually pretty cool. )
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Genre: Fandom Meta Humor
Pairing: Becky/Gabriel, references to Becky/Chuck, humor
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Every episode EVER
Summary: A trickster. Best rebound date ever, or best rebound date ever? Even if he is a troll.
Who do I blame for this? [personal profile] jmtorres who wanted to be amused with text messages. Five text messages later, I realized I was writing fic, much to my surprise. And the direction this fic took was also a little bit the fault of[personal profile] everysecondtuesday who put my brain back into Becky-land.

A note for those of you who DO watch Supernatural...  )

Some humorous context for those of you playing along at home, who haven't been watching Supernatural... )

ON TO THE FIC! (Click here) )
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Some of you might remember my Star Trek fic, Species Diversity and You written for Trek Novel Fest. Now it has been interpreted into a short fanfilm directed by ink_n_imp, starring real live fan actors! I am very proud.

It has just been unveiled at the Halloween party ink_n_imp threw tonight with gleeful_t's kind assistance, and I'm proud to be able to link it in my journal!Title, rating, warnings, spoilers and summary as if it were a fic )

Species Diversity and You: A Sexual Safety Presentation.

By Antonella Inserra and A. Bertram Wilberforce

From the story by Grey Bard

Or direct link

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Title: Species Diversity and You: A Sexual Safety Presentation
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Innuendo, humor and mild subversiveness
Spoilers: Passing reference to an element of the Enterprise episode "Cogenitor"
Summary: A presentation from Starfleet Medical's Sexual Safety program, presented by cute animated mascots
Word count: 1,024
Genre: Gen, I suppose, since no characters actually *do* anything, they just talk about theoretical other beings doing it.
Email: fitzrose @
Notes: Written for Trek Novel Fest, inspired by the meta-tastic "instructional filmstrip" humor piece "Dilithium and You!" that somehow made it into an authorized novel despite being hilariously biting and true.

FROM Species Diversity and You, an animated presentation from Starfleet Medical's Sexual Safety program, mandatory viewing for all Starfleet personnel upon leaving their planet of origin. )